Musing on Aging, Part Three: To See Or Not To See, That Was the Question. (Or ) “Ayes” to the “Eyes

I began wearing glasses when I was about 12, due to myopia and astigmatisms and probably should have had them earlier. In the years prior to 8th grade, the Elks Club would do free eye exams in the classroom, setting up something similar to shadow boxes with eye-charts. Always being the most vertically challenged in my class, I was seated front row center and would have been close to blind not to have read the minimum 20/40 from my seat. It wasn’t until eighth grade that I found myself having a real eye exam and barely getting past the Big E! Once I put on glasses (with plaid frames by the way) an entire new world opened up to me. It was dusk when we drove home from the ophthalmologist’s office and Wow—my enthusiasm and sense of wonder grew with every passing scene—I could read the theater marquee from across the street, I could recognize people walking on the sidewalk from inside the car and most amazing to me were the street lights—no longer a blur of disseminated light as seen in Van Gogh’s A Starry Night but a definitive light bulb encased in a glass cover. My mother wept with each new wonder I described, horrified that I had not been able to see clearly in the past. I had never complained of difficulties seeing—to me what I saw was taken for granted as the norm. It never interfered with my classroom grades nor my love of reading. Close up, I had no problems seeing.

As the years progressed, I never thought twice about wearing glasses and happily went through all the trends of the decades with cat-eye frames, granny frames, big frames, small frames, garish colored ones as well as horn-rimmed, and muted colored ones. The only thing I never considered were contact lenses—primarily because of the cost in my younger days, and just the idea of inserting them into my eyes was rather frightening to me. I even adjusted well to bifocals in my 50’s as well as being told in my late 60’s that I had cataracts forming. Since I knew they could take years to really grow, I was not alarmed and figured I’d be long gone before I would have to face up to having them removed.

I developed an absolute illogical and horrifying fear of any eye surgery, based on my first experience as a student nurse, “scrubbing in” and witnessing eye surgery. Because of my limited height, I had to stand on a box, fully garbed, glasses fogging up regularly, and I disliked every part of the three month OR orientation. When the surgeon actually brought the eyeball out of the eye socket, that’s when I lost it. Out for the count! Even cataract removal was very difficult for patients then, as they were placed in private rooms with heads sandbagged in place and rooms darkened with layered drapes and blinds. Light and movement were gradually introduced until discharge a week later when they were fitted with extremely thick glasses. No modern day interocular lens implants in those days. I also, on a very personal note, had a dear friend go in for routine cataract removal several years ago- she became one of those awful outliers when something happened and she suffered a retinal hemorrhage, losing permanent vision in that eye. When my husband had his cataracts removed, the surgeon asked him to rate his anxiety level on a scale of 1 to 10, just prior to the surgery. He responded in his typical low key way, saying , “about a 4.” I turned to the surgeon and said “mine is 15”. ‘His response was “I’m glad I’m not doing you!”

Fast forward to present day. My ultimate fear presented itself as here I am still around, pushing into my mid 80’s and finally needing the surgery! Intellectually, I was well aware of the need, knew I absolutely had to have it if I wanted to continue to drive and function as usual and was keenly aware of the foolishness of my angst. Nevertheless, Angst prevailed! (Kudos to the patience and kindness of family, surgeon, staff and nurses who had to deal with me beforehand). I actually ended up choosing about as high tech as possible, believing that if I had to have it done, I wanted the best chances for the best possible outcome. So I chose the Laser method using a laser beam to not only break up the cataracts but also to reshape the corneas, thus ridding me of the astigmatisms. Bravo to technology! The two weeks interval before the second eye was done, had its drawbacks as having chosen the “distant lenses” I was seeing like an eagle with my “new” eye and dealing with the poor vision in the other. My brain had trouble coordinating the differences and I staggered around as I felt disorientated. I actually was thrilled to go in for the second eye and to date, I am still astounded with the results: seeing the brightness, crispness, and brilliant colors of the world again and no glasses needed for driving for the first time in my rather long life! These are all miraculous to me! Street-signs, license plate numbers, storefront signs etc. all gloriously clear again! I thought perhaps I would have difficulty reading the dashboard info but that turned out to be an unnecessary worry. Because of my vertical challenge, I have always made adjustments in every car I owned. In order to see above the steering wheel and still reach the foot pedals, I have always had a pillow under me, my steering wheel lowered and pulled in close to my body, with the car seat as high and close to the dashboard as possible. Heck, I was almost into the engine from the time I learned to drive. Of course I could read the dashboard!

I do need “readers” for close up work such as reading books, texts and playing games on my phone and some computer tasks but that is no big deal as “readers” are very inexpensive and come in all sorts of colors, sizes and shapes with an equal number of attachable, attractive chains to meet every fashion!

So, here’s a big shout out to saying “aye aye” to the eyes!

Hmm- have you noticed that only a few months ago I went with a wig, and now it’s the eyes? Makes one wonder what “part 4 of aging” will be about—do stay tuned!